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So this is the longest I've been home since June.

It's kind of weird.

I have been making a lot of big decisions recently about where I want to be next year. In October, I had the realization that I enjoy being fluent in Spanish and would like to keep that up, so I looked into programs teaching English in Argentina, about which I have heard so much and wanted to go to ever since two friends of mine studied abroad there. I thought that was really the right path for me, as I enjoyed my life the most when I was living abroad and whilst it wasn't always peachy keen, the experience I had in London far outweighs anything else I've ever done in my life. Arizona is a close second, but living in one of the pulse-of-life cities (did I make that up or steal the term?) was so exciting and so liberating, a place where I lived life how I'd always imagined it and where things were much more possible than they are here. Granted, nostalgia always does coat everything in a romantic light, but whatever.

The more I thought about the bullshit of living abroad again, though, like the necessary visa, different currency and possibility that my fluency isn't as deep as it should be - or anything else, like how dangerous Argentina is or the health of my family or something - I realized that what I loved the most about London was the fact that it's like New York.

When I was picking a university all those years ago, I wanted to get as far away from New York City as I could because I saw how city-school changed my sister and living in Manhattan for just a few months turned her into some kind of monster. I realize now that it was dramatized in my head; but I saw the ruthlessness of Manhattanites and realized that I didn't want to compete anymore. Arizona was a great choice for me, a perfect time for relaxation and a GREAT opportunity to meet people from all over the country, states and cities I had never previously fathomed and that in and of itself was perhaps the best part about going to Tucson. I understand that. But I got sick of it - I craved the faster pace-of-life and realized that if I stayed in Tucson, things would be TOO easy. I have remedied that by going to London and taking an insane amount of classes in temrs of difficulty and sheer volume that I really don't need. But then I thought to myself, why not just shut the fuck up about it and move to New York? That's kind of always been the plan for me... even though I didn't want to admit it in 2006, I mean that's what the teachers were pushing for, etc. I want to move there and work in publishing.

That seems simple enough, so we'll see how it goes.

But as of late, another thought has been creeping into my overanalytic brain: is that settling? I feel like it's not because it will be exciting and fun, but somehow I see myself however far along down the line falling into the suburban life my parents have. That life is great for them, it really is, and they had their fun and raised a family and have the white house, you know? I hate to sound so fucking vain, but I really think I'm meant for something more than that. I don't know it's like fame.. probably not, but I dunno, I don't want to have such an average life. Although I'm sure once I find Mr. Right and have my kids I will want this life. So I'm really torn, because I'm at this huge crossroads - well, will be in an even huger one come May - and I don't want to make the wrong choice. I guess, though, if college has taught me only one thing it's that there's really no wrong choice. I know that sounds weird too. I will be able to formulate what I'm thinking way more clearly in a few months, I'm sure.


But in terms of the everyday at dear old 6 Judith, not much has changed. Something strangely hurtful happened to me yesterday involving a couple really good friends, but c'est la vie, no?

I hope Christmas and the holidays brought all you faithful readers some good times.

I plan to do some sort of retrospective of the year 2009 in this blog sometime soon.. that's the only thing I can really say here. For daily crap that comes up in my head, go to http://www.centerofthecookie.tumblr.com.