Sorry I have been not posting on here too frequently. I have been absolutely obnoxiously busy every week since school started. I am taking this English honors seminar that requires a lot more time and attention than I really want it to. Take that however you want. This week has been especially difficult with me and I briefly considered going home for the weekend due to an especially sad event that I don't want to talk about here, but the $700 ticket was too much for me.
I also am an intern at this blog: www.tucsononthecheap.com, and I recommend checking it out, although if you're not in Tucson it won't be of much service for you. That is another activity, though, that takes up a huge majority of my time during the week.
I still haven't found a job, but I rather like it that way now that school has reared it's garish head once again.
I have been posting to my tumblr pretty frequently, though, if you are interested in checking out whatever I am into at the moment. I don't know really why you would, but people have asked, so here we are. Here is that website: www.centerofthecookie.tumblr.com. Enjoy! I find it easier to post there daily because it's really based in images, which, I believe, need a lot less explaining than the ever-twisting and turning thought process that constitutes most of the posts in this blog.
However, of course I have reflected on some things and would like to share them now. Two weeks of silence is much too much for me.
In terms of major life: I really, really enjoy writing for my internship, and that is surprising because it is not at all based in liteary criticism and no attention to diction needs to paid, except to capture a reader's attention. Also, the people in my seminar have really made me realize how uninterested I am in pursuing Litearture forever, or in academia. I don't think ti was the right major for me to pick, since media is such a large part of my life, but whatever. I enjoy what I do for the most part, just all the work of this class is completely based in theory, which is not my strong suit. It won't ever be. I think I am a smart person, with coherent ideas and interesting things to say; I just can't easily grasp or summarize Foucault's underlying messages and simply don't care about what Lacan has to say. Theory is what it is, which means that the further you advance in the study of Lit, the more exposed you are to it. I don't like that. So it simply reaffirms my desire to not to go grad school.
Also, considering I have no experience with publishing, it's dumb to just assume that I'll enjoy it and be good at it. I plan on getting an internship with a press here in Tucson for the Spring, but I have to assess things as they are right here and now. What I like right now is this: blogging, images, fashion/media/editorial images especially and portraits. I know it is stupid for me to think I can become a photographer of anything special, but I want to make it more of a priority in my hobbies. That in itself pretty much sounds stupid, but with how structured my life and time has now become, I have to prioritize the things I want to do in my free time. I never thought it would come down to this, but, here we are.
So basically, I think I have sort of presupposed the post-grad worries of what to do in real life, because the longer I am left alone to decide, the more confused I get. I think that's pretty natural considering where I am in life right now.
Another thing that has come up is how much I miss London. If you look at my tumblr, you will see that. I really do miss the city a lot more than I thought I would, because towards the end there I was really ready to leave, but I miss the drama, the fashion of the city, its people, the accessibility to culture and the internationality of the entire place. I really am trying to negotiate some kind of return trip back, hopefully in March. I have several places and people to see in the city, and I really hope dear old Mikey and Jan have it in their hearts to help their unbearably broke child achieve her English dreams. I think it's funny how I always want to be wherever I am not at the moment, and it makes me sad sometimes because I feel like I should concentrate living on wherever I am at the present. I do, definitely, make a conscious effort to do that, even if it is only somewhat on the surface. On the other hand, I know I am not the only person like this. I think everyone is to an extent, and the reason my inability to settle down is because I haven't been in love for a long time. I feel as though I am constantly waiting for that, as well, and get super frustrated with many things considering, but whatever. I will try to make the best of where I am, but want to leave you with this image (taken from tumblr, credit is there) of where I miss the most right now. It beautifully synthesizes a lot of points in this post: inspiration through images, missing London, I hope one day to take photos like that.
With love.
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