I know I haven't been good with this currently.

School has really gotten the best of me.

Also, I update my tumblr way way more frequently concerning things I am into at the moment.

So check that shit out if you want to see what I'm into or whatever.



I am going to use this blog to discuss something a bit more personal.

I just saw Paris, Je T'aime, and it really made me remember that last trip to Paris with such fondness. That was probably the best time I had the entire time I was abroad, which is funny considering it was a last-minute substitution for Barcelona. But there was something there, a feeling, about Paris, that I really got to experience. I also did I think the first time I was there with Claire when we were in Monmarte drinking in a park, but the second time meant more because it was with who it was. I have obviously regretted a lot about how things turned out in terms of life after being abroad, and as much as I have tried to fix things, the biggest one is over. I feel like I've tried everything I could with that and it kills me to have lost out on such an amazing person, but I have to respect what the response I got was and just move on.

I've been trying to do that. I really have. I also think I spend too much time in whichever current location I reside romanticizing about where I used to live, etc, so I really concentrated on making the most of living in Tucson while I'm here. And I think I have been way more successful in that than ever before, and it somehow even carried over to going home. I was the most excited to be home that I had been in four years when I returned for Thanksgiving. I think I have finally made peace with the decisions that brought me to where I am and that I am really getting much better making the best of things.

Another thing that solidifies that is the fact that I got the internship I've been waiting for forever this next semester, about which I am really excited. If I like this, I am going to put Argentina on hold and look for a job in NYC. I have this feeling in my gut that it's all going to work out, which is comforting after all the stress that has accompanied the possible failure of the future.

All that being said, there is still a problem: I'm alone here. I need love, I want love, I have love in my friends and family and appreciate that endlessly, but I really think I am ready for "the love of my life" or what have you now. I don't know how to explain this, how it is so exciting but so saddening to be alone all the time, waiting but knowing, hoping but sure. I wish I could explain this more. But essentially: I feel like a lot of things in my life are coming to fruition, things I never planned for but always thought were going to happen are now happening, I am done finding myself and growing up and ready to live my live- and share that with someone. And I don't want to be one of those girls always looking for it, because like I said I am happy with the love in my life, I can't go back.

I hope all is well.